Why Don’t We Talk?

Really? You really don’t know why we’ve not talked in so long?

Every time I’ve tried to reached out to repair our relationship, you’ve refused to acknowledge anything was wrong. You still think I’m being petty after all this time? Even when I am emailing you again to try and break the silence?

For fucks sake, this was never about her! I was happy for you both. I just wanted to feel like I was wanted, you know? I wanted to be a part of the family. It would have been nice to get an invite to the wedding, even if I said no.

Ultimately, what do I want or need from you now? Time. I need time to get to know you again. Just you. It’s been four years since we spoke. This is not about her, this is about us. You hurt me, even if you didn’t mean it. You bulldozed me into submission too many times for me to count, shouted me down. Punished me for not meeting curfews we never agreed to. Made me ashamed of my age, for being young, insisted that my every opinion that didn’t fit was yours was ‘my mother’s illness’. These things, in time, I could forgive. But I need you to treat me like an adult first.

So let’s get coffee. We could go somewhere after work, catch up. No, you’re not free. You don’t want to exclude the family. You don’t want to exclude her. So she can’t let you go for one or two coffees without her? What about me? Surely you want a relationship with me, right? I don’t know whether you do. I don’t know whether your pride is more valuable to you than I am.

Eventually, I may have to give up on you, like you seem to have given up on me…

…Dad.

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